| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General |  |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 11-12-2007 23:05 |
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5 minute management course 6
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Celdar | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Initiate |  |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Joined: 02.08.06 | | Posted on 12-12-2007 17:16 | |
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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense!!
Glasgow cop says," License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to a complete stop, that's the law, licence and registration, please!"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or jest slow doon?"
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 05-01-2008 18:59 |
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran |  |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 15-01-2008 00:16 |
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Couldn't resist editing this picture I found on portal.fo.
If someone is good at photoshop, they could make a good effort here. (I don't even have photoshop). I hope one of you guys will. Consider this a concept sketch.
So, I'd like to introduce First Officer Károk
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft
Laluu attached the following image:
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Edited by Laluu on 15-01-2008 00:21 |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 15-01-2008 22:07 |
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
Edited by Vuzman on 15-01-2008 22:10 |
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 16-01-2008 14:46 |
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@vuzman: My future is so bright I have to wear shades 
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith |
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| OKJones | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Commander | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Argir | | Joined: 12.06.06 | | Posted on 17-01-2008 13:08 |
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computer down
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Why would I want to end every post the same way?
OKJones attached the following image:
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Edited by OKJones on 17-01-2008 13:09 |
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| OKJones | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Commander | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Argir | | Joined: 12.06.06 | | Posted on 17-01-2008 13:13 |
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moses
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Why would I want to end every post the same way?
OKJones attached the following image:
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Edited by OKJones on 17-01-2008 13:13 |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 02-02-2008 22:26 |
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls
Vuzman attached the following image:
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Edited by Vuzman on 02-02-2008 22:27 |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 02-02-2008 22:27 |
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Thanks for the clarification, buddy
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls
Vuzman attached the following image:
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Edited by Vuzman on 02-02-2008 22:27 |
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| Boddin | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Regular | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 19.06.06 | | Posted on 03-02-2008 20:11 |
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Wouldn't be the same without 'em
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Boddin attached the following image:
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| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 16-02-2008 13:27 |
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Not sure if this one has been posted before ?
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| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 16-02-2008 21:05 |
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It is called 'Fat kid on Moped' It is soo hilarious!!
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 16-02-2008 22:59 |
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Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."
The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man or his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 16-02-2008 22:59 |
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In a small midwestern conservative town, there wasn't a place to get a drink for miles around, so a local entrepreneur saw an opportunity: He started to build a tavern.
Liking a "dry" town, the local church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. The businessman was polite when congregants came to protest, but work continued on the tavern.
But the night before the grand opening, a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their piousness after that -- until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
At the first hearing, the judge held up the paperwork and took in the laywers and both sides of the lawsuit.
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this," the judge said, "but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 17-02-2008 23:58 |
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I can never get this embedding thing to work 
Wahey! Somehow it worked this time.
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft |
Edited by Laluu on 17-02-2008 23:59 |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 22-02-2008 22:08 |
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If I ever get a daughter, these will be my rules towards ANYBODY, who is going to try to date her! 
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
Edited by Jogvanth on 22-02-2008 22:11 |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 25-02-2008 16:23 |
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Imagine sitting on that plane, if you're afraid of flying...
The picture I want to add is a jpg 800x478, 95Kb, but it still says "invalid filesize or filename."
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft |
Edited by Laluu on 25-02-2008 16:29 |
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| Yutani | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Regular | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Faroe Islands | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 25-02-2008 18:49 |
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Laluu, try to rename the file so it doesn't contain any spaces.
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 10-03-2008 23:44 |
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sadly we dont allow users to embed objects in the forum.
but we do allow links: Religion is Bullshit
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft |
Edited by Grizlas on 11-03-2008 10:42 |
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